No, I’m Not Going to Be the Bigger Person


Isn’t it funny how even simple advice like be the bigger person can be analyzed and yield a different response once we open our eyes and become spiritually and mentally mature? That phrase always seems to come up whenever the world is telling us to go one way but our gut and wisdom is rightfully telling us to go the opposite. It's said whenever we’re the ones that have been hurt to our core, yet people think we should just get over it. It's subconsciously presented whenever we know good and well that a season in our life is expired but the court of public opinion believes we should hold on just a little longer. Think about that.

Far too often we apply the bigger person rationale to the wrong people and sitations. At that point we must ask ourselves what good is keeping the peace with the world around us if it only creates and intensifies pain and problems within ourselves.

Many of us are guilty of allowing our confusion, need for acceptance, a phrase and people pleasing to push us into a place of pressure, tension, and even danger because we've been taught that it's the strong thing to do. It’s that very statement that keeps people in bondage, slaves to strongholds, and uncomfortable in their own skin. It makes us feel like we have to continue allowing blatant disrespect, toxic friendships, and inexcusable behavior because for some reason we have something to prove. Truth is we can’t control how people think and act but we certainly can control what we entertain and how we react.

Not wanting to surround ourselves or engage in conversation with people due to our fear or ego is one thing. Not wanting to deal with people due to our boundaries and knowledge of self worth is another. Sometimes we have to separate ourselves to save ourselves, and stop wasting our time on people who will only bring us pain or problems. It doesn’t matter how long we’ve known some people, how thick our bloodline is, or if others don’t understand; if someone is a spiritual, mental, or physical threat to our wellbeing then they have to go. Period.

I’m done being the bigger person if it means that I am going to be the depressed, uncomfortable, unhealthy, and stagnant person. I’m not going to be the bigger person if it means that I have to give up the person I’m working toward becoming or was created to be. I’m not going to be the bigger person if it will bring negativity or destruction into my life. I don’t care who you are or what you think. I’m going to live and do what's best for my life, even if that means some people or things will not have the opportunity to live that life with me.

You know how they are is no longer a good enough excuse for me to tolerate someone’s toxic, fake, or narcissistic behavior, and but you used to is no longer persuasive enough to guilt me into engaging in, accepting, or condoning behaviors I once did. I’m over that phase where I lose sleep, wracking my brain, crying, and wondering if I’m good enough for some people. I now evaluate motives, loyalty, and attachment to decipher if some people are good enough for me. If it boils down to losing my mental health, peace, and power or losing someone, trust and believe that the latter will be removed.

Inner freedom affirms that we have nothing to prove to anyone else, but so much to protect within ourselves. Sacrificing our peace for the sake of someone else’s approval says something about both parties. It reveals that we are not yet in a place to value our boundaries over validation, and also confirms that the other person does not understand or truly have your best interest at heart. There’s nothing wrong with saying we will no longer associate with that circle, give our time to that organization, or be at that gathering if it means we have to be around energy that drains ours.

Our life doesn’t change for the better because everyone is in good standing with us or approves of us. Our lives get better whenever we understand that we deserve the love, protection, and patience we’ve been giving to the wrong people and places. We can be at peace with people and not be in their presence. We can forgive people and not partake in any of their functions.

Putting yourself in the same environment with anyone or anything that aims to hurt, distract, or destroy your life, future, family, mental health, children, or job doesn’t make you the stronger person or that winner of the game. That makes you a fool. Want to be a bigger person? Forgive someone that isn’t sorry and then allow yourself to heal. Self assess and rid yourself of toxic behaviors and mindsets. Let go of something or someone that is keeping you bound.

Don’t walk around with fake happiness while being the bigger person. Experience the true joy of being the balanced, focused, and strong person.


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