To the person who is struggling with that selective memory that condemns you. The type of memory that replays your faults, failed scenarios, and takes you on a emotional roller coaster fueled by hindsight. The memory that reminds you of the people that you built up as they tore you down. The memory that hurts your heart, but opened your eyes. This, my friend, is for you.
I know where you are. I've been there. We've all been there. It's not the greatest feeling or emotional space to be. Truth is, sometimes life does not go as we thought it would. We choose the wrong paths, associate with the wrong crowds, and experience traumas where our lives go up in flames for all of the wrong reasons at no fault of our own.
As wonderful as our lives may have been before and after those experiences, or as amazing it may be to have such true friendships and relationships in our circles now, some of us still wrestle with letting go of the storms that led us to this place. We see the fruit of our lessons and losses today, but struggle to release the bitter taste of yesterday's pain.
We do this because we are human, and oftentimes our minds have the power to be our worst enemies. We do this because our hearts has been changed, and we have difficulties accepting that one time they were so hard. We do this because although we may be refined, resilient, and ready to level up now, we can't shake the rebellion we once showed, the disrespect we once endured, or the wreckage we had to wade through to seek higher ground.
In those times whenever the pity party wants to make its appearance and the waves of regret and depression want to crash in, simply remember one thing. God allowed it.
Every single thing that occurred in the physical realm, whether positive, negative, or confusing had to unfold exactly how it did to bring forth alignment and insight in the spiritual and psychological realm.
Looking back, I can see that in the midst of it all it was pain, whether by my hand or the hands of others, that brought about the most beautiful change within me. I crashed, I burned and I was extremely uncomfortable, but I learned, I grew, I gained insight, and I mentally, emotionally, and spiritually prospered. I realized who I wasn't, who I was, and to whom I belong.
Without foolish ways of thinking and acting, I would have never been corrected and obtained wisdom. Without feeling like I was alone in the world, I would have never realized just how little I need the approval of other people. Without blindsides and betrayals I would have never acquired the appreciation and love for the ones who mean the most to me.
You are free, forgiven, and that experience that immediately comes to your mind whenever you hear the words “let it go” is forgotten. Yes, God knew the sincerity of your apology, saw your tears, and knows your heart. He forgot about it and looks past it, so now it's time for you to do the same.
Those people that broke your heart, abused your trust, or played with your mind: you didn't lose them. They were revealed, moved, and removed for a reason. Those enemies that tried to destroy your character, break your faith, and go above and beyond to tear you down: let them go, pray for them, and thank them for the endurance their efforts gave you. God is going to build you up IN FRONT of them. There is no need to go backwards and address them.
Why be chained by bad experiences that humbled you or be weakened by experiences that strengthened you? No matter how anyone wants to fabricate, downplay, or distort it; your truth taught you to transition. It taught you to pray. It led you to righteousness. It worked together to make that once fragile person an unapologetic fighter. Your worst memories taught you the best lessons.
This is your story. This is your journey. This is your testimony. Regret nothing and choose to grow through everything. Every piece of life's puzzle created the amazing person you are today. Receive your peace and rejoice in your progress.